Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Share with your friends

More from Dorothy Parker

If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume Oscar said it.

Oscar Wilde

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.

Comment

Every year, back comes Spring,
with nasty little birds yapping
their fool heads off and the ground
all mucked up with plants.

Hollywood money isn’t money. It’s congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

It costs me never a stab or squirm
to tread by chance upon a worm
“Aha, my little dear,” I say,
“Your clan will pay me back one day.”