We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children are smart.

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More from H. L. Mencken

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.

Prejudices, First Series (1919)

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

Attributed

Creator — A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

A Book of Burlesques‎ (1920)

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the devil.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.