Thanksgiving Day-A day devoted by persons with inflammatory rheumatism to thanking a loving Father that it is not hydrophobia.

A Mencken Chrestomathy, ch. 30, p. 618, Knopf (1949)

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More from H. L. Mencken

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.

Prejudices, First Series (1919)

No man ever quite believes in any other man.
One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.

Explanations exist; they have existed for all times, for there is always an easy solution to every human problem – neat, plausible, and wrong.

'The Divine Afflatus,' in the New York Evening Mail, November 15, 1917