P. J. O’Rourke

Quotations

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Only God can make a tree; but only Man can drive by one so fast.

on his cross-country test drive of a Ferrari

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

The second item in the liberal creed, afterself-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors–psychology, sociology, women’s studies–to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you’d have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favorabortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.