Added March 11 2016
Jess: You’re such a tonkel!
Winston: Whoa, hold it! Don’t nobody call me a tonkel.
Added February 25 2016
Vern Thurman: You’ll make a good chief one day.
Molly Solverson: Me? What about Bill? He’s got seniority.
Vern Thurman: Bill cleans his gun with bubble bath. No, it’ll be you.
Added February 24 2016
Lou Solverson: So I got two kinds of sandwiches, tuna and turkey. Tuna’s for the fish. Unless you think they’d think that’s cannibalism.
Added February 19 2016
Postal Worker: This is highly irregular.
Lorne Malvo: No, highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd.
Added February 10 2016
Rainbow: Breaking down barriers: equally important to money. But just so that I’m clear, there is a salary increase, right?
Added February 3 2016
Lorne Malvo: Mister, we’re not friends. I mean, maybe we will be someday. But I gotta say, if that were me in your position? I would have killed that man.
Added January 24 2016
Nick: Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Schmidt: Well I wouldn’t exactly call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
Winston: Here’s what I was thinking, okay? If we wanna win this concert, we play something cool, like “Eye of the Tiger.”
Bianca: What’s “Eye of the Tiger”?
Winston: “Eye of the Tiger” is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool, it ended the Cold War.
Jess: That’s not even a little bit true.
Added January 20 2016
Nick: That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen, Jess!
Schmidt: I’m really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, “Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?”
Added January 11 2016
Dre: “Andy”? That’s not even close to “Andre”.
Junior: I think it says I’m edgy but approachable.
Dre: I think it says, “I hate my father and I play field hockey”.
Added January 9 2016
Lorne Malvo: Let me tell you what’s gonna happen, Officer Grimly. I’m going to roll my window up, then I’m going to drive away, and you’re gonna go home to your daughter, and every few years, you’re gonna look at her face and know that you’re alive because you chose not to go down a certain road on a certain night. That you chose to walk into the light instead of into the darkness.
Added January 7 2016
Lorne Malvo: Evening, Officer.
Gus Grimly: Evening. License and registration, please.
Lorne Malvo: We could do it that way. You ask me for my papers. I tell you it’s not my car, that I borrowed it. See where things go from there. We could do that. Or you could go get in your car and drive away.
Gus Grimly: Now, why would I do that?
Lorne Malvo: Because some roads you shouldn’t go down. Because maps used to say, “there be dragons here.” Now they don’t. But that don’t mean the dragons aren’t there.
Added January 2 2016
Betsy: Goodnight, Mr. Solverson.
Lou: Goodnight, Mrs. Solverson. And all the ships at sea.
Added November 27 2015
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.
Added November 25 2015
Tony Stark: Does anybody remember when I put a missile through a portal, in New York City? We were standing right under it. We’re the Avengers, we can bust weapons dealers the whole doo-da-day, but how do we cope with something like that?
Steve Rogers: Together.
Tony Stark: We’ll lose.
Steve Rogers: We do that together too.
Added January 5 2014
“But we are all fortunate in one way or another. The task for most of us is to identify in what way that is, would you not agree?”
Added December 9 2013
Rapunzel: I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: It will be.
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?
Flynn Rider: Well,that’s the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.
Added December 7 2013
Up through the water came a large trout; a flash of silver; a dart of light; the fulfillment of a small boy’s dream.
Added November 18 2013
Upon this, one has to remark that men ought either to be well treated or crushed, because they can avenge themselves of lighter injuries, of more serious ones they cannot; therefore the injury that is to be done to a man ought to be of such a kind that one does not stand in fear of revenge.
Added November 9 2013
Nobody had ever said that to Bertie before. How about some chocolate? It was not a complex, phrase, but its power, its sheer, overwhelming sense of gift and possibility filled Bertie with awe. Well might more of us say these words to others, and more frequently – how healing would that prove to be. “Look, we’ve had our differences, but how about some chocolate?” Or: “I’m so sorry, how about some chocolate?” Or simply: “Great to see you! How about some chocolate?”
Added October 30 2013
“It was 84-0 at the end. Actually, they stopped it early for some reason.”
Stuart suppressed a smile. “Bad luck, Bertie. But I’m sure that they’ll do better next time.” He paused. “What do you think went wrong, Bertie?”
Bertie thought for a moment. “I think it’s because our team was told that they should share the ball, Daddy. So they did. They shared.”
Added October 27 2013
Flynn Rider: All right, Blondie.
Flynn Rider: Gesundheit.
Added October 20 2013
The Romans never allowed a trouble spot to remain simply to avoid going to war over it, because they knew that wars don’t just go away, they are only postponed to someone else’s advantage.
Added October 16 2013
“Of course there is such thing as a second chance,” went on Domenica, “We may waste our first trip to Italy, but that doesn’t mean that we need waste our second.”
Added October 13 2013
A prudent man should always follow in the path trodden by great men and imitate those who are most excellent.