Added December 2 2018
Leslie Knope: I mean, that’s why people respect Hillary Clinton so much, because nobody takes a punch like her. She’s the strongest, smartest punching bag in the world.
Added March 31 2017
Mallory: I feel like there aren’t a lot of surprises for me down the road. You know, my kids will grow up, they’ll move away, I’ll become a grandmother, I’ll get my face done, my grandkids will graduate from college, I’ll get my face redone, and then I’ll die.
Bree: I mean, that’s silly. We’ll all be dead from loose nukes long before most of that stuff happens.
Mallory: You think?
Added February 6 2017
Everything takes time. Bees have to move very fast to stay still.
Added January 20 2017
I’m asking you to believe. Not in my ability to bring about change – but in yours.
Added January 17 2017
The public health of five million children should not be left to luck or chance.
Added January 16 2017
Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.
Added July 29 2016
Because when you have the nuclear codes at your fingertips and the military in your command, you can’t make snap decisions. You can’t have a thin skin or a tendency to lash out. You need to be steady, and measured, and well-informed.
Added July 28 2016
No, this election, and every election, is about who will have the power to shape our children for the next four or eight years of their lives.
Added July 27 2016
With every word we utter, with every action we take, we know our kids are watching us. We as parents are their most important role models.
Added July 26 2016
When someone is cruel, or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level — no, our motto is, when they go low, we go high.
Added March 11 2016
Jess: You’re such a tonkel!
Winston: Whoa, hold it! Don’t nobody call me a tonkel.
Added February 25 2016
Vern Thurman: You’ll make a good chief one day.
Molly Solverson: Me? What about Bill? He’s got seniority.
Vern Thurman: Bill cleans his gun with bubble bath. No, it’ll be you.
Added February 24 2016
Lou Solverson: So I got two kinds of sandwiches, tuna and turkey. Tuna’s for the fish. Unless you think they’d think that’s cannibalism.
Added February 19 2016
Postal Worker: This is highly irregular.
Lorne Malvo: No, highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd.
Added February 10 2016
Rainbow: Breaking down barriers: equally important to money. But just so that I’m clear, there is a salary increase, right?
Added February 3 2016
Lorne Malvo: Mister, we’re not friends. I mean, maybe we will be someday. But I gotta say, if that were me in your position? I would have killed that man.
Added January 24 2016
Nick: Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Schmidt: Well I wouldn’t exactly call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
Winston: Here’s what I was thinking, okay? If we wanna win this concert, we play something cool, like “Eye of the Tiger.”
Bianca: What’s “Eye of the Tiger”?
Winston: “Eye of the Tiger” is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool, it ended the Cold War.
Jess: That’s not even a little bit true.
Added January 20 2016
Nick: That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen, Jess!
Schmidt: I’m really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, “Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?”
Added January 11 2016
Dre: “Andy”? That’s not even close to “Andre”.
Junior: I think it says I’m edgy but approachable.
Dre: I think it says, “I hate my father and I play field hockey”.
Added January 9 2016
Lorne Malvo: Let me tell you what’s gonna happen, Officer Grimly. I’m going to roll my window up, then I’m going to drive away, and you’re gonna go home to your daughter, and every few years, you’re gonna look at her face and know that you’re alive because you chose not to go down a certain road on a certain night. That you chose to walk into the light instead of into the darkness.
Added January 7 2016
Lorne Malvo: Evening, Officer.
Gus Grimly: Evening. License and registration, please.
Lorne Malvo: We could do it that way. You ask me for my papers. I tell you it’s not my car, that I borrowed it. See where things go from there. We could do that. Or you could go get in your car and drive away.
Gus Grimly: Now, why would I do that?
Lorne Malvo: Because some roads you shouldn’t go down. Because maps used to say, “there be dragons here.” Now they don’t. But that don’t mean the dragons aren’t there.
Added January 2 2016
Betsy: Goodnight, Mr. Solverson.
Lou: Goodnight, Mrs. Solverson. And all the ships at sea.
Added November 27 2015
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.
Added November 25 2015
Tony Stark: Does anybody remember when I put a missile through a portal, in New York City? We were standing right under it. We’re the Avengers, we can bust weapons dealers the whole doo-da-day, but how do we cope with something like that?
Steve Rogers: Together.
Tony Stark: We’ll lose.
Steve Rogers: We do that together too.