I just cannot, you know, believe in a war against drugs when they’ve got anti-drug commercials on TV all day long, followed by, “This Bud’s for you.”

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More from Bill Hicks

It’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

You ever noticed how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet.

Relentless (stand-up comedy routine)

I don’t do drugs any more…than the average touring funk band.