Dennis Miller


The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

Hell, the vows are scary enough. I mean, “We are gathered here to witness the joining of two people …” Joining. Could we come up with a slightly more industrial term, huh? How about “soldering”? Yeah, have a couple of guys from the machinists’ union swing by, drop the welder’s masks, and handle this part of the ceremony? You know, it seems like the only two times they pronounce you anything in life is when they pronounce you “man and wife” or “dead on arrival.”