From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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More from Groucho Marx

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.