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More from Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?