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More from Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up — they have no holidays.

I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn’t come in until half-past five.

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.