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More from Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up — they have no holidays.