I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

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More from Jack Paar

Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it’s the rich people who keep saying it.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

See also: Colton

I’m complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it’s shredded.

Doing the show was like painting the George Washington Bridge. As soon as you finished one end, you started right in on the other.