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More from Phyllis Diller

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

Living in Hollywood is like living in a lit cigar butt.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.