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More from Phyllis Diller

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won’t run.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

Living in Hollywood is like living in a lit cigar butt.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?