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More from Steven Wright

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings… Boy With Pail… Kitten On Fire.

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

Depression is nothing but anger without enthusiasm.

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.