Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

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More from Steven Wright

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.

I put spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.

I’m going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me, but taller.