I drove past a gas station the other day. There were two signs in the window; “Help Wanted”, “Self Service”. So, I went in and hired myself. Made myself the boss. I took all the money and I left.

Share with your friends

More from Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings… Boy With Pail… Kitten On Fire.

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

Depression is nothing but anger without enthusiasm.

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.