captivating quotations from movies, television, literature and people - curated by actual geeks.
I can’t wait to get arrested and go all the way to the witness stand. “Do you promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” “Yes. You’re ugly. See that woman in the jury? I’d really like to sleep with her. Should I keep goin’ or are you gonna ask me some questions?”
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More from Steven Wright
I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
I put spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.