Mr. Stratford: This morning I delivered a set of twins to a 15 year old girl. You know what she said to me?
Bianca: I’m a crack whore who should have made her sleazy boyfriend wear a condom?
Mr. Statford: No drinking. No drugs. No kissing. No tattoos. No piercings. No ritual animal slaughters of any kind. Oh God, I’m giving them ideas.
Patrick: It’s not every day you find a girl who’ll flash someone to get you out of detention.
Boy: Maybe if we were the last two people on earth and there was no sheep. Are there sheep?
Kat: You don’t always have to be who they want you to be, you know.
Michael: Put her in your spank bank and move on.
Kat: I want you to stop trying to control my life just because you can’t control yours!
Michael: I have a question before we start. Do you think that’s safe considering you don’t have a liver?
Micheal: Never mind.
Mr. Stratford: Where’s your sister going?
Kat: She’s meeting some bikers, big ones, full of sperm.
Patrick: Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.
Joey: OK, now this is really important. Which do you like better?
Bianca: Um…I think I like the white shirt better.
Joey: Ya, It’s more uh…
Joey: Damn, I was going for thoughtful.
Patrick: You’re not afraid of me, are you?
Kat: Why would I be afraid of you?
Patrick: Most people are.
Kat: Well, I’m not.
Patrick: You may not be afraid of me, but I’m sure you’ve thought about me naked.
Kat: Am I that transparent? I want you. I need you. Oh baby oh baby!
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair;
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick;
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie,
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you;
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
Michael: We’re your guys.
Cameron: And he means that in a strictly non-prison movie type of way.
Walter Stratford: My insurance does not cover PMS!
Mr. Stratford: Hey, I’ve got news for you. I’m down with it, I got the 411, and you’re not gettin’ jiggy with some guy. I dont care how dope his ride is.
Cameron: What group is she in?
Michael: The “don’t even think about it” group.
Bianca: Has the fact that you’re completely psycho managed to escape your attention?
Mr. Stratford: You’re eighteen, you don’t know what you want.
Michael: Alright, I’m wrong? You wanna take a shot, be my guest. She’s actually looking for a French tutor.
Cameron: Are you serious. That’s perfect.
Michael: Do you speak French?
Cameron: No, but I will.
Chastity: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe.
Bianca: You know, there’s a difference between like and love. I like my Skechers but I love my Prada backpack.
Chastity: But I love my Skechers.
Bianca: That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.
Cameron: But the plan was working.
Patrick: What do you care? I thought you wanted out.
Cameron: Yeah, well I did, but that was until she kissed me.
Cameron: In the car.
Bianca: Are you asking me out? That’s so cute. What’s your name again?
Kat: Remove head from sphinctor and drive!