Mr. Stratford: This morning I delivered a set of twins to a 15 year old girl. You know what she said to me?
Bianca: I’m a crack whore who should have made her sleazy boyfriend wear a condom?

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Michael: I have a question before we start. Do you think that’s safe considering you don’t have a liver?
Patrick: Huh?
Micheal: Never mind.

Mr. Stratford: Where’s your sister going?
Kat: She’s meeting some bikers, big ones, full of sperm.

Patrick: Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.

Joey: OK, now this is really important. Which do you like better?
Bianca: Um…I think I like the white shirt better.
Joey: Ya, It’s more uh…
Bianca: Pensive?
Joey: Damn, I was going for thoughtful.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair;
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick;
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie,
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you;
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.