A Christmas Story


Ralphie: Randy lay there like a slug…it was his only defense.

Dad: “Fra-gee-lay” …it must be Italian!
Mom: I think that says “fragile”, honey.
Dad: Oh, yeah.

Ralphie: I want an official Red Rider carbine action 200 shot range model air rifle.
Mom: No, you’ll shot your eye out.

Ralphie: Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.

Randy: I can’t put my arms down!!

Ralphie: In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obsenity that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Ralphie: Some men are Baptists…others Catholics…My father was an Oldsmobile man.

Ralphie: Oh no, it was the classic mother BB gun block! Heh, heh. “You’ll shoot your eye out!” That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to kiddom.