McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop smoking
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop taking amphetamines.
Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
Ted: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We’re bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We’re coming in from the north, below their radar.
Elaine: When will you be back?
Ted: I can’t tell you that. It’s classified.
Rumack: You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.
Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Reporter: What kind of plane is it?
Eugene: Well, it’s a really pretty white one with little round windows and it looks like a big tylenol!
McCroskey: What do you make out of this?
Eugene: This? I can make a hat, or a broach, or a teradactyl!
McCroskey: Gimme that!
Tom’s Wife: Tom never has two cups of coffee at home.