Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.
Zoe: How do you write women so well?
Melvin: I think of a man and take away reason and accountability.
Melvin: What if this is as good as it gets?
Melvin Udall: I’ve got Jews at my table.
Carol Connelly: It’s not your table, behave! This once, you can sit at someone else’s station. Or you can wait your turn.
Melvin: Sell crazy somewhere else. We’re all stocked up here.
Simon: You’re why cavemen chiseled on walls.
Carol: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
Melvin: Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that’s their story. Good times. Noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you’re that pissed that so many others had it good.
Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome… and then, of course, you spoke.
Carol: Sometimes you must try other people’s clean silverware, as part of the fun of eating out.