Maid: If you stay home, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy: I’ll go to school.

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Teacher: Who the hell would steal 32 lunches?

Billy: Hey sideburns, you want some of this milk?
Janitor. I’d rather have a beer.

Billy: There was something I was supposed to do today.
Norm: Drink five daiquiris?
Frank: He remembered to do that.

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Maid: I thought I was your snackpack!
Billy: What a weirdo!