Aaron Altman: Let’s never forget, we’re the real story, not them.

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Aaron: They told me they’d keep me because they could plug me into any story and my salary was in line.
Ernie: The cost-efficient reporter.
Aaron: So I quit.

Employee: You know, I’m just old enough to be flattered by the term “early retirement.”
Paul: That’s wonderful. What a lovely line. Now, if there’s anything I can do for you…
Employee: Well, I certainly hope you’ll die soon.

Aaron: Go ahead Steven, take your last licks. But this will heal. What I’m going to say never will. It’ll scar you forever. Ready? Here it is. You’ll never make more than $19,000 a year. Ha ha ha!
Steven: Take him.
Aaron: Okay, how about this? You’re never gonna leave South Boston and I’m gonna see the whole damn world. You’ll never know the pleasure of writing a priceless sentence. Or having an original thought. Think about it!
Steven: $19,000. Not bad!

Aaron: You’ve got to turn on your television right now. Arnold Schwarzenegger is on The Today Show, Good Morning America and the morning news – I think he’s live on two of them.

Jane: I have passed some line some place. I am beginning to repel people I am trying to seduce.
Aaron: He must been great looking, right?
Jane: Why do you say that?
Aaron: Because nobody invites a bad looking idiot to their bedroom.