Ellen: Clark, what’s wrong? It’s bigger than you expected? Smaller? What is it?
Clark: It’s a one year membership in the jelly of the month club.
Eddie: Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

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More from Christmas Vacation

Aunt Bethany: Don’t throw me down, Clark.
Clark: Oh I’ll try not to, Aunt Bethany.

Clark: I think that since this is aunt Bethany’s 80th Christmas, she should lead us in the saying of grace.
Bethany: What dear?
Grandma Griswold: GRACE!!
Bethany: Grace! She passed away 30 years ago.
Louis: They want you to say grace! THE BLESSING!!
Bethany: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, (everyone joins in) One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: …Amen!

Eddie: If you don’t remember, this here’s Rocky.
Art: Have you got a kiss for me?
Eddie: You better take a rain check on that Art. He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.

Eddie: He’s cute, ain’t he? Only problem is, he’s got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. If the mood catches him right, he’ll grab your leg, and just go to town. You don’t want him around if you’re wearing short pants if you know what I mean. A word of warning though: If he does lay into you, it’s best to just let him finish.

Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.