captivating quotations from movies, television, literature and people - curated by actual geeks.
Mitch: Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you’re a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, “what happened to my twenties?” Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You’ll call it a procedure, but it’s a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn’t matter because you can’t hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering “how come the kids don’t call?” By your eighties, you’ve had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can’t stand but who you call Mama. Any questions?
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Phil: Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. I have no life, we’re all agreed on that, right?
Ed and Mitch: Right.
Phil: Okay. And your big problem is that you’re married to this gorgeous underwear model who thinks the sun rises and sets in your pants, and that’s not enough for you?
Nancy: I’m late.
Nancy: I missed my period!
Nancy: I was at work and on my break and I took one of those home pregnancy tests from aisle eleven.
Phil: The ones on special?
Nancy: Yes. And it came up blue.
Arlene: Why is she telling you this, Phil?
Phil: Be-because I’m her boss. And we – we have a health plan!
Phil: If anything happens to him….I’m going after Barbara.
Arlene: You’re crazy!
Phil: That’s right! Not having sex for twelve years will do that to a person!
Mitch: Hey you now, the first time I try to talk to you, you embarrass me. So I tease you a little bit, which maybe I shouldn’t have done, so I’m sorry. But now you’re sitting over there with your knife trying to frighten me. Which…you’re doing a good job. But if you’re going to kill me, get on with it. If not, shut the hell up. I’m on vacation.