Barbara: I make you feel trapped.
Mitch: No you don’t, it’s not you.
Barbara: Well how do you think that makes me feel when I hear you say that?
Mitch: I didn’t mean you, it’s me. I – I just feel lost.

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Nancy: I’m late.
Phil: What?
Nancy: I missed my period!
Mitch: Oops.
Phil: What?
Nancy: I was at work and on my break and I took one of those home pregnancy tests from aisle eleven.
Phil: The ones on special?
Nancy: Yes. And it came up blue.
Arlene: Why is she telling you this, Phil?
Phil: Be-because I’m her boss. And we – we have a health plan!

Mitch: Hey you now, the first time I try to talk to you, you embarrass me. So I tease you a little bit, which maybe I shouldn’t have done, so I’m sorry. But now you’re sitting over there with your knife trying to frighten me. Which…you’re doing a good job. But if you’re going to kill me, get on with it. If not, shut the hell up. I’m on vacation.

Arlene: You’re crazy!
Phil: That’s right! Not having sex for twelve years will do that to a person!

Curly: I just turned around and rode away.
Mitch: Why?
Curly: I figured it wasn’t going to get any better than that.
Mitch: Yeah, but you could have been, you know, with her.
Curly: I’ve been with lots of women.
Mitch: Yeah, but, you know, she could have been the love of your life.
Curly: She is.

Arlene: I’m calling!
Phil: Go ahead call him, I’m sure he’s home. It’s his night to be home with the other escaped Nazis, isn’t it?
Arlene: I hate you!
Phil: I hate you more! If hate were people, I’d be China!