Silent Bob: You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ’em just cheat on you.

Dante: Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that’s what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

Dante Hicks: You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that’s eerie…

Veronica: I’m offering you my body and you’re offering me semantics.

Randal: Which did you like better? “Jedi” or “The Empire Strikes Back”?
Dante: “Empire”.
Randal: Blasphemy!
Dante: “Empire” had the better ending. Luke loses his hand and finds out Vader is his father. Han is frozen and captured by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. Just like in real life. All “Jedi” had was a bunch of Muppets.

Dante Hicks: But you hate people.
Randal: Yes, but I love gatherings. Isn’t it ironic?

Dante: I’m not even supposed to be here today!

Dante: (to Veronica) Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot. (To man who turns and follows Veronica) Hey, hey you get back here!

Jay: Noise, noise, noise, smokin’ weed, smokin’ weed, doin’ coke, drinkin’ beers. Pack o’ wraps, my good man, it’s time to kick back, drink some beers and smoke some weed.