Singing Telgram: I am your singing telegram!

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Colonel Mustard: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
Wadsworth: You don’t need any help from me, sir.
Colonel Mustard: That’s right!

Mrs. White: He threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he want to kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
Miss Scarlet: Oh.

Mrs. White: Husbands should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong, and disposable.

Mrs. White: Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

Colonel Mustard: There’s no need to shout!
Wadsworth: I’m not shouting! All right, I am, I’m shouting! I’m shouting! I’m shouting! I’m shout-