Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.
Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Josh, why don’t you just hire a gardener?
Tai: Cher, you’re a virgin?
Cher: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Dion: Besides, the PC term is ‘Hymenally Challenged’.
Cher: Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there’s no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.
Mel: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?
Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion. You proud?
Mel: Honey, I couldn’t be happier than if they were based on real grades.
Heather: It’s just like Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.”
Cher: Hamlet didn’t say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.
Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign back there.
Cher: I totally paused.
Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?
Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.
Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.
Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is like searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.
Cher: D, would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.
Cher: This is a second notice for outstanding parking tickets. I don’t remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The ticket is the first notice!
Cher: If it’s a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What’s seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows!
Murray: Your friend Christian is a cakeboy!
Cher: A what?
Murray: He’s a disco-dancin’, Oscar Wilde readin’, Streisand ticket holdin’ friend of Dorothy. You know what I’m saying.
Cher: Nu-uh. No way.
Murray: He’s gay!
Dionne: He does like to shop Cher, and the boy can dress.
Tai: What am I listening to you for anyway? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.
Josh: You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn’t ninety percent selfish, I’d die of shock.
Cher: Oh, that’d be reason enough for me.
Cher: I had an overwhelming sense of ickiness.
Cher: Hey, granola breath! You’ve got something on your chin.
Josh: I’m growing a goatee.
Cher: Hmmm. You don’t want to be the last one at the coffeehouse without chin pubes.
Cher: It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said “’tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people.”
Cher: Believe it or not, the evil trolls in the Math department were actually married. Oohhh, Snickers! And in the grand tradition of PE teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.
Cher: So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and we’re supposed to swoon? I don’t think so!
Cher: Lucy, you know I don’t speak Mexican!
Lucy: I ah not a Mexican!
Mel: Don’t tell me those brain-dead lowlifes are calling me again.
Cher: They are your parents.