Cher: Believe it or not, the evil trolls in the Math department were actually married. Oohhh, Snickers! And in the grand tradition of PE teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.

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Heather: It’s just like Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.”
Cher: Hamlet didn’t say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.

Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign back there.
Cher: I totally paused.

Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?

Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.

Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.