Mel: Don’t tell me those brain-dead lowlifes are calling me again.
Cher: They are your parents.

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Mel: Do you know what time it is?
Cher: A watch doesn’t really go with this outfit, daddy.

Dionne: Phat! Did you write that?
Cher: Duh, it’s like a famous quote.
Dionne: From where?
Cher: Cliff’s Notes.

Mel: What’s with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?

Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday. I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen and rearrange some things we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty! Thank you very much.

Christian: Do you like Billie Holiday?
Cher: I love him!