Ellen: What do you do for a living?
Dave: You mean, when I’m not running the country?
Dave: I run a temp agency. You know, secretaries and stuff.
Ellen: So you find people jobs.
Dave: What? What’s so funny?
Ellen: It’s just, it’s more than most people do around here.
Bob Alexander: What do you think you’re doing?
Dave: What? Oh, you mean the press conference. I had a couple of ideas that I wanted to share with the country.
Bob Alexander: Share? Share? You don’t call a press conference. I call a press conference. You’re nothing. Do you understand? You’re nobody.
Dave: I’m not nobody.
Bob Alexander: You’re lint. You’re a flea. You’re a blip.
Dave: Well… maybe I am. But you’re fired.
Dave: I don’t want to tell some eight-year-old kid he’s gotta sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their car. Do you want to tell them that?
Secretary of Commerce: No sir. No I sure don’t.
Bob Alexander: This is mine, Alan. All mine. I made him, I built him. And no Boy Scout is going to come in here and take it away from me, just because he happens to be Vice President of the United States.
Dave (singing in the shower):
Hail to the chief
He’s the one we all say “Hail” to.
We all say “Hail”
‘Cause he keeps himself so clean!
He’s got the power,
That’s why he’s in the shower…
Bob Alexander: He’s an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.