Debra: Hey Lucas, is it true you committed the perfect crime?
Lucas: Not entirely perfect.

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Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don’t feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.

Mark: Hey, Lucas. I’ve decided I’m going to start a band.
Lucas: The first thing you need is a name. Then you’ll know what kind of band you’ve got.
Mark: Right, right. I was thinking about, um, Marc. How does that sound?
Lucas: Is that with a C or with a K?
Mark: Well my name is with a K, so I was thinking my band’s name could be with a C. That way it’s kind of that psychedelic, you know, trip thing.
Lucas: Always play with their minds.

A.J.: Lucas, do you think it’s possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
Lucas: In this life there are nothing but possibilities.
A.J.: Well, that’s good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.
Lucas: That’s an excellent time.

Lucas: Warren, look what you took.
Lucas: Rap… metal… rap… metal… And Whitney Houston.
Warren: It’s for my girlfriend, okay?
Lucas: Suuure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical.
Warren: Maybe you bite me.

Jane: Actually, his new album tested well among teenage males.
Lucas: Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males?