Businessman: It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!
Brad Hamilton: Mister, if you don’t shut up I’m gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!
Mike Damone: Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I’m tellin’ ya, Rat, if this girl can’t smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?
Jeff Spicoli: Certainly there’s nothing wrong with a little pizza on our time.
Mike Damone: I mean don’t just walk in. You move across the room. And you don’t talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That’s what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.
Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
Mike Damone: That’s the idea, Rat. That’s the attitude.
Mark Ratner: The attitude?
Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.
Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.
Jeff Spicoli: That was my skull! I’m so wasted!
Spicoli: I’m driving, you’re navigating. Where is this party?
Jeff Spicoli: Aloha, Mr. Hand.
Mr. Hand: What are you, people? On dope?
Jeff Spicoli: This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there!
Mike Damone: I came over to help you out with your math homework. I figured you could use it on such a hot day…
Linda: Hi Brad. You know how cute I always thought you were.
Jeff Spicoli: People on ‘ludes should not drive.