Jean: Oh, fine. What’s this? What’s his problem?
Joyce: He doesn’t feel well.
Jean: Yeah, right. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.

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Principal: I wouldn’t trust that kid as far as I could throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn’t be throwing anybody.

Ferris: You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.