Ferris: You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

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More from Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Jean: Oh, fine. What’s this? What’s his problem?
Joyce: He doesn’t feel well.
Jean: Yeah, right. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.

Ferris: If anybody needs a day off, it’s Cameron. He has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates. He can’t be wound this tight and go to college. His roommate’ll kill him. I’ve come close myself. But I like him. He’s a little easier to take when you know why he’s like he is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon my French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you’d have a diamond.

Simone: My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.

Ferris: This is my ninth day missed. Cameron, I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing this for you.

Ferris: Oh, I’m sorry I can’t come to the door right now. I feel that in my weakened condition I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences.