George of the Jungle


Lyle: Sorry, Stonebelly. The better man won, that’s all. Or, I should say, the one who brought mercenaries won; that’s all!

Ape: “All of George’s secrets.” There’s the shortest book ever written.

George: To swing or not to swing? Swing.

Narrator: And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies on the perilous paths. When they beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, they reacted with awe.
Group: Aaaawwww.
Narrator: I said “awe.” A-W-E.
Group: Ooohhh.
Narrator: That’s better.

Narrator: The jungle king was pleased to find that he looked pretty good in Armani.
George: Pretty darn good.

Narrator: Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set…

Thor: You dragged me all the way out here to watch a guy in a leopard-skin bikini. If I wanted to see that, I would have stayed in Miami.

Narrator: Don’t worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.