Howard Brackett: This is my Peter, friend Peter! We just now ran into each other, here at the intersexual . . . homosection . . . intersection!
Howard Brackett: I’m not gay!
Peter Malloy: What was Streisand’s eighth album?
Howard Brackett: Uh, “Color Me Barbra.”
Peter Malloy: Stud!
Howard Brackett: Everybody knows that!
Peter Malloy: Everyone where? The Little Gay-bar on the Prairie?!
Men do not dance. They work, they drink, they have bad backs, they don’t dance!
Howard Brackett: Do I look like a homosexual?
Tom Halliwell: Would you walk for me?
‘Be a Man’ tape: Repeat after me: Yo!
Howard Brackett: Yo!
‘Be a Man’ tape: Hot damn!
Howard Brackett: Hot damn!
‘Be a Man’ tape: What a fabulous window treatment!
Howard Brackett: What a fab…
‘Be a Man’ tape: That was a trick!
Peter Malloy: So, I just said, “Mom, Dad, Sparky, I’m gay!”
Howard Brackett: What happened?
Peter Malloy: Well, my mom cried–for exactly ten seconds–my boss said, “Who cares,” and my Dad said, “But you’re so tall.”
Think about John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold doesn’t dance, he can hardly walk!
Howard Brackett: Howard Brackett is a big homo, queer, Mary, sissy man! He just came out at his big church wedding! Martha Stewart is furious!