George: You’ve worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. This may very well be the worst summer of your life but you’ve earned it.

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More from Life as a House

Sam: I think there has to be a door between where you cook and where you crap. Even in the bush – tribal people, you know, they have a place for both. Probably it’s like a law. God! It’s probably in the Bible. It’s at least a building code violation.

Alyssa: Look, I thought I was helping you.
Sam: It would help me if I could kiss you.
Alyssa: No. Look, I thought we were just friends.
Sam: Well, what you think you know doesn’t necessarily have much to do with reality. I mean I hope I’m not the first one to tell you this.

George: Take that thumbtack out of your chin.
Sam: Why?
George: It bugs me!
Sam: You snore at night. That really bugs me. Can I take you out?

Sam: You knew you were dying from the start?
George: We’re all dying from the start. I just got moved to the head of the line.

Sam: Do you have any idea what its like to jack off in an armoire?