Wise man: We were led by a star.
Brian’s mother: Led by a bottle, you mean.
Brian: Always look on the bright side of life, da dum, da dum da dum da dum…
Stan: From now on, I want you all to call me… ‘Loretta’
Angry citizen: He said Jehovah!
Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Man: Blessed are the cheesemakers.
Brian’s Mother: He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace – shut up!
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Dissenter: Uh, well, one.
Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there’s one. But otherwise, we’re solid.
Brian: I am not the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I’ve followed a few.