King of Swamp Castle: When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England.

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More from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

God: What are you doing now?
Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.

King Arthur: Now stand aside worthy adversary.
Black Knight: ‘Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm’s off.
Black Knight: No it isn’t.
King Arthur: Well what’s that then?
Black Knight: I’ve had worse.

King of Swamp Castle: This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Arthur: On second thought , let’s not go to Camelot. ‘Tis a silly place.

God: Every time I try to talk to someone it’s “sorry this” and “forgive me that” and “I’m not worthy”…