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Bedevere: And how do you burn witches?
Crowd: With more witches!
Bedevere: No,no,no…And why do witches burn?
Peasant: Because…there made…of…wood?
Bedevere: Precisely, so how do we know if she’s made fo wood?
Peasant: Biuld a bridge out of her!
Bedevere: Ah, but can you also not build a bridge out of stone?
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More from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Bedevere: What makes you think she’s a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: Burn her anyway!
French Knight: You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-n-i-g-g-i-t-s.
French Knight: You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
Arthur: This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more–no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”
Brother Maynard: Amen.
King Arthur: Right. One…two…five!
Galahad: Three, sir.
King Arthur: Three!