Rose: Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food and I’m gonna kick you ’til you’re dead!

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Cosmo Castorini: It looks stupid. It’s a pinky ring. It’s a man’s ring.
Loretta Castorini: It’s temporary.
Cosmo Castorini: Everything is temporary. That don’t excuse nothin’.

Perry: Pardon me folks. That was just a very attractive mental patient.

Cosmo Castorini: There are three kinds of pipe. There is what you have, which is garbage and you can see where that’s gotten you. Then there’s bronze, which is very good unless something goes wrong. And something always goes wrong. And then there’s copper, which is the only pipe I use. It costs money. It costs money because it saves money.

Cosmo Castorini: You’ll have your eyes opened for you, my friend.
Johnny: I have my eyes open.
Cosmo Castorini: Oh yeah? Well, stick around. Don’t go on any long trips.
Johnny: I don’t know what you mean.
Cosmo Castorini: I know you don’t. That’s the point. I’ll say no more.
Johnny: You haven’t said anything!
Cosmo Castorini: And that’s all I’m saying.

Rose: Now he’s going to play that damn Vicki Carr record, and when he comes to bed he won’t touch me.