Rose: Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food and I’m gonna kick you ’til you’re dead!

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Loretta Castorini: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last confession.
Father: What sins have you to confess?
Loretta Castorini: Twice I took the name of the Lord in vain, once I slept with the brother of my fiancee, and once I bounced a check at the liquor store, but that was really an accident.
Father: Then it’s not a sin. But… what was that second thing you said, Loretta?

Cosmo Castorini: A man understands one day that his life is built on nothing, and that’s a bad, crazy day.
Rose: Your life is not built on nothing! Te amo.

Rose: Why do men chase women?
Johnny: Well, there’s a Bible story… God… God took a rib from Adam and made Eve. Now maybe men chase women to get the rib back. When God took the rib, he left a big hole there, where there used to be something. And the women have that. Now maybe, just maybe, a man isn’t complete as a man without a woman.

Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?
Loretta Castorini: Aw, ma, I love him awful.
Rose: Oh, God, that’s too bad.

Cosmo Castorini: What’s the matter, Pop?
Grandfather: I’m confused!