Max: You haven’t slept with her have you?
William: That’s a cheap comment and of course the answer is no comment.
Max: No comment means yes.
William: No it doesn’t.
Max: Do you ever masturbate?
William: Definitely no comment!
Max: See, it means yes.

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Anna Scott: You know what they say about men with big feet.
William Thacker: No, I don’t, actually. What’s that?
Anna Scott: Big feet… large shoes.

Spike: There’s something wrong with this yogurt.
William: It’s mayonnaise.
Spike: Oh.

William Thacker: I enjoyed the movie very much. I was just wondering, did you ever consider having more horses in it?
Anna Scott: Well, we would have liked to. But it was difficult, obviously, being set in outer space.

William: So it was nice to meet you; surreal, but nice.

William: I’m sorry about the surreal but nice comment…disaster.
Anna: That’s okay. I thought the apricot in honey thing was the real low point.