Bill Lumbergh: Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

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Michael: Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there’s nothing wrong with that name.
Michael: There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm… well why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael: No way. Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.

Peter: I can’t believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We’re looking up money laundering in a dictionary.

Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.

Michael: You know what I can’t figure out? How is it that all these stupid neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime, and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it.
Samir: We’re new to it though.

Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do man: two chicks at the same time, man.