Susanna: You use me, you use Raymond, you use everybody.
Charlie: Using Raymond? Hey Raymond, am I using you? Am I using you Raymond?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Shut up! He is answering a question from a half hour ago!

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Charlie: Listen, Ray, our dad died, that means he’s not with us anymore. Did they tell you about that?
Raymond: I don’t know.
Charlie: You don’t know if they told you or you don’t know what death is?
Raymond: I don’t know.

Charlie: Okay, Ray, we’ve got blueberry, buckwheat, all flavors, what kind do you want?
Raymond: Pancakes.
Charlie: I know, but what kind?
Raymond: Pancakes.

Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn’t mean that they are not safe.
Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.
Charlie: QANTAS?
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh, that’s gonna do me a lot of good, because QANTAS doesn’t fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati. You have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!

Charlie: Ray, you’re never gonna solve it. It’s not a riddle because Who is on first base. That’s a joke, Ray, it’s comedy, but when you do it you’re not funny. You’re like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.

Raymond: I’m an excellent driver.
Charlie: When did you drive?
Raymond: I drove slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook.
Charlie: Was Dad in the car?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: I’ll have to let you drive sometime.