Charlie: Hey, Ray, you take a shower right?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Well the rain is a lot like the shower, you get a little wet. What do you say, Ray? What do you say?
Raymond: Of course the shower is in the bathroom.
Charlie: That’s the end of that conversation.

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Raymond: Lights out at eleven.
Charlie: Yeah, well, new rules.

Charlie: Okay, Ray, we’ve got blueberry, buckwheat, all flavors, what kind do you want?
Raymond: Pancakes.
Charlie: I know, but what kind?
Raymond: Pancakes.

Charlie: Listen, Ray, our dad died, that means he’s not with us anymore. Did they tell you about that?
Raymond: I don’t know.
Charlie: You don’t know if they told you or you don’t know what death is?
Raymond: I don’t know.

Charlie: Ray, you’re never gonna solve it. It’s not a riddle because Who is on first base. That’s a joke, Ray, it’s comedy, but when you do it you’re not funny. You’re like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.

Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn’t mean that they are not safe.
Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.
Charlie: QANTAS?
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh, that’s gonna do me a lot of good, because QANTAS doesn’t fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati. You have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!