Viola: I just can’t do this.
Paul: Just remember, inside every girl, there’s a boy. Wait, that sounded wrong.

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Viola: [as Sebastian] Hi, Eunice. Sorry for running out on our date.
Eunice: It’s okay. My intensity scares some people.

Viola (as Sebastian, talking about herself): No man… if you wanna kiss her… You go right ahead and you kiss her! I mean, knock yourself out! You just take her… then kiss her. Then kiss the crap out of her!
Duke: Okay!

Monique: Hello, Viola.
Viola: Oh, boy. This isn’t good.
Monique: And hello to you little… homewrecker.
Olivia: Uh, who are you?
Monique: I am Sebastian’s girlfriend.
Viola: Ex-Girl-Friend.
Monique: Okay. Everyone’s gotta stop saying that.
Olivia: Oh. You’re the girl he dumped in the pizza parlor the other day.
Monique: He did not dump me. We’re just going through a rough patch.
Olivia: Really? ‘Cause I heard he dumped you. He dumped you good. It was like a big, huge dumping.

Toby: She’s got a little somethin’ somethin’.
Andrew: Yeah… asthma and headgear.

Daphne: Nonsense! You don’t need a man to wear a beautiful dress!
Paul: But it sure does help.