Malcolm: I am convinced he’s hiding something.
Principal Gold: Oh, nonsense, Malcolm. He may be a little lost and confused, but deep down he’s an all-american, red-blooded male, just like yourself.
Viola: [walking by, dressed as Sebastian, while on the phone] Mom, I will pick out my own dress. And no, I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women’s butts look smaller… and to make it harder for them to runaway.
Principal Gold: Malcolm, have you ever tried to run away in high heels?
Malcolm: No, sir, I…
Principal Gold: Not that easy. Not that easy…

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Duke: Um, uh, ok, so, should I ask her out?
Viola: No. You don’t want to freak her out; you’ve got to have a casual conversation first, hello?
Viola: Why do I get the feeling you don’t do this very often?
Duke: Man, I just, I’m not really good at talking to girls.
Viola: Why? You’re hot!
Duke: What?
Viola: Ya know, you’re an appealing guy- man- guy- guy man.

Viola (as Sebastian): I can do this. I am a dude. I am a hunky dude! I’m a badass hunky dude!

Olivia: You’re right.
Viola: I know.
Olivia: The next time I see Sebastian, I am gonna march right up to him…
Viola: You march.
Olivia: …I’m gonna tell him how I feel…
Viola: You tell him.
Olivia: …and then I’m going to kiss him so passionately…
Viola: What?
Olivia: …that even the people he hates will feel pleasure.

Duke: You know, it’s crazy how wrong you can be about a person. Just crazy. You think that they are one thing and then they turn out to be the exact opposite. You know what? Save it. We were supposed to be friends.
Viola: We are friends.
Duke: You don’t even know the meaning of the word.

Viola: I just can’t do this.
Paul: Just remember, inside every girl, there’s a boy. Wait, that sounded wrong.